The first week of the school hols is over and high-fives all around, we survived it â€“ relatively unscathed, well kinda. And weâ€™ve learned a few lessons that I thought Iâ€™d share. The sort of things that itâ€™s handy to know as we navigate our way through the remaining, approximately thirty five weeks, or thereabouts, of the school holidays.
1.Â Â Never leave the house without babywipes.Â Itâ€™s just asking for trouble and without them, your childâ€™s first port of call with their snotty nose, carrot stick orange-coloured mouth and chocolatey hands will be your cream jeans â€“ if youâ€™re daft enough to wear them on an outing with the children.
2.Â Never wear your cream jeans on an outing with the children
3.â€œLive foodâ€ for reptiles in the pet shop is actually live. This will bring about two types of reaction in your children. Those who think itâ€™s really cool will want to touch it. Those of a more sensitive disposition will continue their emotional meltdown well after youâ€™ve arrived home. Steer clear of the live food for reptiles section in your pet shop.
4.Always ask your four year old whatâ€™s in his pocket before checking for yourself. Sometimes itâ€™s a spider.
5. Small children cannot be distracted from asking relatives about their boobs. Itâ€™s best just to answer.
6.Â If you are trying to gauge the weather and the likelihood of rain â€“ hang out a load of washing. Expect imminent downpour.
7.Â You will never have enough food in the house and they will always be hungry- always.
8.Â Small children donâ€™t do “appropriate” very well. If they know they correct name for genitals they are quite likely to shout it very, VERY loudly and only mildly mispronounced, in the park with maximum audience attention. For example â€œMammy I can see your dagina through my binocularsâ€
9. The row over who pushes the lift button can potentially see your 4 year old escape in a lift alone if you donâ€™t wedge yourself between the door very quickly. Your four year old will not be as traumatised as you.